Identity & Environment

So as I get further along in Choose to Lose I have worked on a few steps getting me ready to officially begin this journey and carb cycling.

First I needed to separate my mind from my body, meaning I have to know that me, my conscious, and my thoughts are my mind, and that's Robyn. My body is my machine, and it will do what my mind tells it, as long as I don't let it take over my emotions and mind. So the book tells you to name your body. That's right, you can name it anything you want! So I named mine Violet (or Vi for short). If I was ever going to have an alter ego or identity, I would be Violet so there you have it. This actually helps with inner dialogue, although it may seem weird.

Second the book also suggests changing your environment in any way possible. Of course it tells you to get rid of all the bad food in your house...but with Zane and Tony that's not possible at this point. Another thing it suggested was to move the furniture...so I tried that! It was so refreshing (and difficult) but it gave me new perspective on several of the rooms in the house. I feel like its a jump start into this new lifestyle and it makes we want to go through each room and declutter all my little junk piles!

Although today I had to go to work and Tony's work's Octoberfest, and I didn't make any new progress in the house, but I am excited about tomorrow to make more progress!

This biggest change is in our bedroom, although the bed and armoire stayed in the same place, everything else in the room got flipped, and my makeup table is now in the family room as a sofa table/valet station and I moved our bookshelf (one my grandfather built) into our room.

I am excited to continue to prepare for this most important journey. Tomorrow I am also going grocery shopping to stock up on all my good, real, whole foods!

A New Journey

I have struggled with weight almost my entire life. And at this point, I am a wife and mother, looking for a job that I can call my career, and I am heavier than I have ever been (other than baby weight). I am also approaching 40... I will turn 39 in just 17 weeks. I have always dreamed of reaching my goal weight and being that healthy and sexy soccer mom, but I have never been able to stay the course on whatever fad I was doing at the time...and now I think I know why.

First of all, I have tried so many diets and plans and had temporary success, but I have never changed my lifestyle in every aspect. I can train and work out 5 days a week for a run or triathlon, but during that time my nutrition is usually terrible! Or I can get my eating in order for several weeks but I am not doing any exercise to help build muscle and make me stronger. I like all the amazing transformation shows like Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss but its not uncommon for me to watch them while eating. I need a lifestyle change, a sustainable lifestyle of healthy living. Not just eating or exercising but living!

Second, I have excuses for everything. Some call it lazy, self loathing, clinical depression. I know I struggle with my internal issues, but at the end of the day, my body is a machine, my machine and my mind is what makes it work, what controls it. Period.  I have to stop letting my machine dictate my decisions and make sure my mind is in control. I KNOW what the right decision is, but I often let my body influence and change those decisions. Mind over body! I have to do what I know is best for me, not what my body necessary wants to feel at that time.

So I am preparing to embark on a new journey...my own personal lifestyle transformation that will help me become the best wife and mother I can be! I am reading Choose to Lose by Chris Powell - the 7-Day Carb Cycle Solution. This is an absolute lifestyle change and I have defined my SMART goal.

I plan to use this blog as my journal of sorts, but also will include updates about us as a family and what's going on in our lives. Of course this will also be a big influence on my personal journey and I hope to bring Tony and Zane up to a healthier lifestyle with me! But first I must lead by example!

Part of this program is to give yourself a very specific goal with measurable results and a very specific time frame. So here is mine:

Today I weigh 212 pounds. My goal weight is 160 pounds.
Based on my BMI charts I am considered obese and I need to lose at least 52 pounds to be at my optimal health BMI.
Based on a average 2 pound per week loss, I can lose 52 pounds in 26 weeks.
From this weekend, that would put me at my goal by our 9th wedding anniversary, April 19, 2015.
Basically 6 months.

I will be taking some current pics to use for comparison later.

Cool Summer Awaits!!

We got an above ground pool!! YEAH!!! I have always wanted to have a pool but Tony and I decided a long time ago that it wouldnt' be worth the expense to put in a pool at this house. Our backyard is not that big and we would most likely never get our money back out of it when we sell.

So I am pregnant the days get hotter, I am already thinking of how I am going to make it through the summer and one day when in Toys R Us with Misty, we say some above ground pools for $200. So I pass that on to Tony, thinking for very little investment we could get something that would be fun for the summer and maybe last a couple of years...

Of course Tony does what he does best, and starts researching....which eventually leads us to more sturdy rectangular steel frame pool (18' x 9' x 4' deep). And once we decide to get it....the race is on!! Of course I want it RIGHT NOW!! We did get it last week and put it up this past weekend. Brian (Tony's cousin), Andre and Felicia came over to help Saturday morning and the pool was up before noon. It was filled by that evening and we were adding salt (115 pounds).

Tony decided to go the salt water route rather than the harsher chemicals, which is great! All we had to do was buy a special converter that goes with the pump that chlorinates the salt water with electrical current through a copper conductor. Not exactly sure how the science works, but its cool!

Sunday we took the water and had it tested and the alkalitity was out of balance so all we had to do was add about 3 pounds of baking soda. So we did that yesterday and ran the pumps, everything seems to be working well. Unfortunately it rained late yesterday and its supposed to rain today and for the next few days probably... so we won't be able to enjoy it yet.....

Before we have many guests, we are ordering a differnent entrance system for the pool, rather than the rickety ladder that came with it. We are going to get a sort of platform with a ladder going up onto the platform (that has a locking gate for safety) and another ladder going into the pool. This will be much more substantial and stable, especially since i'm so clumsy and my sense of balance is getting worse by the day!

Here's a picture of the main part of the pool, this was the first day so the water has a slight green tint to it...but that will change and the chorinating converter does its magic!

Welcome Home Jermaine

What an awesome family weekend we had! Jeff, Amy and Hunter came down from Dallas and stayed with us to surprise Jermaine and it was a great success! Here are a few pictures from when they arrived on Saturday. Some are a little blurry, but my finger can't take the picture fast enough when Hunter smiles! He has great big smiles, but I am always a second behind!!

He is now 6 months old and here he is with Pops (Grandpa Jeff)

 And here with G-mama (grandma Wilma)

He has discovered his fingers and he likes them in his mouth!

Now, when uncle Jermaine made it home, he was none the wiser that they were in town. We were over at his parents house about to leave for brunch when they walked in the door!! Jermaine was so surprised! Here are some pics but again some are a little blurry, Hunter moves all the time and has so many cute expressions, I tried to catch them....

 

After they got acquainted, we all went to Baba Yega's for brunch - which was wonderful!! This was to celebrate Jermaine's homecoming and Wilma's birthday, which is today, the same day as our anniversary.
We had a good time and here are a couple of pics of Hunter and them some of the guys afterwards.

Amy told us that the moose is his favorite toy, and he loves it as you can see! When we were leaving we got a couple of pictures of the boys. First the brothers with Hunter and then all the guys, Dad/Grandad, Uncles, Dad and Son!

So much stress!!

Wow, today I am really depressed and I am worried about Tony. Lisa came home on Tuesday to Sharon's house. Since then Sharon and Bea have been trying to take care of her, making sure she gets all her medications on the correct schedule. Which means Bea hasn't been to work in two days and Sharon hasn't slept in two days! This cannot go on indefinitely!!

So last night Tony went over to talk to Sharon about the whole situation and of course it was a mess. This is so difficult because it is very emotional, and Sharon is trying to do what she thinks is best for her daughter...but her emotions are clouding the issues. Tony is just trying to help her get things straight so this doesn't continue to become a larger financial burden on the entire family, including us. But its going to be a process, one that will most likely take a lot of time, effort and some money.

We are fine with paying the money for attorney's fees, but he has to get Sharon on board first. There are so many concerns and she is so stressed she can't even think about them all!! Something needs to legally get set up so Lisa can be taken care of with her own money. This needs to happen now because it will only get more complicated if she dies. Or if something happens to Sharon, then who will take care of Lisa? Sharon has to get her stuff in order to.

Sharon says that Lisa is getting better and can squeeze your hand and open her eyes, but unfortunately we don't believe she will ever be at a place where she is a functioning adult. This is a tragedy. And I cannot imagine how Sharon feels as her mother. I understand that of course Sharon and others in the family would want to believe that Lisa can recover, but at this point, even if she does recover, it would be years before she could be fully funcntional again. If she could regain control of her body internally, and actually eat and drink again, she would then have to re-learn all of her motor skills.

At this point, we think the family needs to get access to Lisa's money and assets and use that to provide her with care. Once her personal assets are exhausted, then she will be provided care through Medicaide. This may not be ideal, but the family cannot just stop everything in their lives to take care of Lisa themselves and spend all their money. As it stands now, three different people have paid Lisa's mortgage for the last three months.

This has to get resolved in the best way for Lisa and the rest of the family. And of course this is on top of the usual drama....Sharon dealing with issues at her shop, everyone pitching in to help Granda, us pitching in to help Bea....

This is a very clear lesson that we all need to have our wishes documented, and documentation prepared that will assist our family if something terrible should happen to us. This should be done when you can think about it objectively and make rational decisions about your future, and your families future. In the midst of all this, Tony and I have to get that done as well. While he is working to help the family, I am going to work to get us set up so we never have these kind of issues.

And this really needs to get resolved with Lisa and his family before we have a family of our own and we can't help as much as we can now! I just have to try to stay out of it as much as possible. I wish I could be more help for Tony, but I cannot let this stress me out any more than it already is, for my health and the health of the baby.

I pray for us all.

Hunter

I just came across this pic again and it is a FAV! Our nephew Hunter is SO cute!!! Its make me smile to think about him, and it was awesome when he was here to visit! Oh I'll add the other one too with him laughing - what a cutie patutie!

 

Last Week Alone

This past weekend my neighbor Michael put our new treadmill together and now the dogs have walked on it twice!! They seem to be getting the hang of it nicely!! I am so proud of them and think it will be a great way to make sure they get enough exercise even if we don't take them outside and walk them.


I am SO glad Tony is coming home this weekend!! Or at least he should be!! If they want him to stay he is going to offer to come back on another trip, but if they really need him he may have to stay a few more days.

I hope that doesn't happen and he gets to come home this weekend! I think his flight should arrive on Sunday morning. That way he can go to our first doctors appointment for the baby! I really want him to go to that and I know he wants to be there! He asked that we move the appointment out a week so he could come. By then I will be 7 weeks and we should be able to see a good pictures of the little peaut!

So with my last week alone, I need to do a little every day to get the house in order (laundry, dishes, general pickup). So when he comes home there is no housework to be done and we can just spend the day together. Since he's coming home early on Sunday morning, we will have that day and then Monday when we go to the doctor.

Sad Day

I just found out that Tony's cousin Lisa will most likely remain in a vegetative state the rest of her life. She had a stroke recently due to an aneurism in her brain. She had another stroke in the hospital. A couple of weeks ago she was moved to Triumph, a rehab facility and now they are releasing her before the 23rd.

Her mom Sharon is going to bring her home because they cannot afford to put her in a nursing home. Lisa has too many assets and too much income to qualify for nursing care from Medicaid. It's a shame that you work hard and then when you need the benefits that you have worked for, you can't have them because you worked hard and actually made a stable life for yourself!!

Its just so sad...I pray that God bless her and keep her and that He gives the family strength to care for her and take care of themselves.

I am going to talk to my brother about his cooking team possibly doing a fund raiser for her. Not sure what would be involved, but they have done those before so I am sure he can give me some guidance. And fund raising is what my mother-in-law does for her job, so she can probably put something together with my brother hopefully.

Thanksgiving Update (Link to New Blog Click Here)

Little did I know that as I wrote the last post about my lifestyle change, it was about that change more than I knew! I got pregnant right around that time if not that day! So that put a lot of things into perspective for me! And put Tony and I on a whole other path in our lives, one that we wanted and were trying for, but one that hadn't expected so soon to be honest.

We didn't think we would be able to conceive as quickly as we did. In October I monitored my cycle and boom it happened! Unfortunately at 8 weeks it was determined the pregnancy was abnormal and the embryo was not viable so as of today I am no longer pregnant.

I started another blog - The Story of Baby Davis - the link is above under the title. It was started to chronicle the journey of us becoming a family and I intend to keep it up, so for more on that topic you can check that blog out - I will also add it into my blog list from this blog so you can link to it from here as well.

So this Thanksgiving is a sad one, but one that is making me realize I am thankful for my husband and for my extensive family and friends. The people who are supporting us through this difficult time.

We will still maintian this blog and that one will be solely dedicated to that topic, this one is where you can find the usual updates about our ongoing life.

Lifestyle change

I know I have been lacking in my updates on the blog, so I am going to try to do better and now I will have something continuing to blog about....

This year has blown by and for some reason I have had a lot of self reflection, part of getting older I guess! But I know that I haven't been happy with myself for a long time. Not in a drastic way, but in a general way.

So since Tony and I have decided to try to start a family, its about time I get my head straight and get a move on! A month or so ago I started to re-organize our kitchen, to make it more efficient and I have the notion to do that with the rest of the house, but I stalled out as I usually do with home projects. I have the best of intentions but life gets in the way....or so I convince myself.

So I am going to start blogging more about stuff that goes on with us - like I groomed the dogs this week! WOW that was an adventure!!! Now they are clean and groomed and obviously happier...I swear they have the funniest personalities and love to strut their stuff when they get their hair done!!

Anyway, I am embarking on a journey to better myself in every way, to get healthier mentally and physically. I plan to pray a lot, journal a lot, blog a lot and get off my ass more!! I am not sure where I will always find my motivation, but right now its coming from the thought that if I plan on being a mother I have got to get it together!!!